Our support band for these 6 dates now is a band from Devon called Conflict Against. They are young full of life and fit well with us. People should check them out as they are very shortly gonna be a strong contender on the circuit. Everyone who knows me will know I don’t sugar anything and I tell you there is talent there. See the picture and you will see how young they are! Makes me feel like old father rock with a new flock to preach to!
So me and hippy rolled up to the bar after sound check to get a few libations and make the night go with a swing and met the barmaid, Nikki. She valiantly looked after us with our drinks all night and followed orders to the letter! Her instructions were to provide us with a jug of a cocktail called Scrumpy Duck as soon as we left the stage! Not only did she do this she provided another one as soon as Hippy and me had downed the first jug through a straw each.
Now this did two things one it added another level to my drunkenness but also provided hippy with the energy to put all his gear away and bully the rest of the band to do the same as I was propping the bar up and seeing if I really could finish the bottle of Jack I started that night. The answer was no as i ran out of money – but I had a good try! Thanks to both Nikki and Liam the manager who looked after us all night wonderfully (see pic of both).
Then the night was to come to a close and Liam is talking to our agent about rebooking us and he has a CD to play in the venue for us! Roxy, Andy and The Church went on their way to their various places of rest and hippy and I had one or two more drinks and got a cab to the kebab shop! That you may think is the normal thing to do but what we had told the cab driver was we wanted to go to the hotel! The kebab shop was about 100 yards away and the driver stopped there told us he would wait we gave him four quid said no “we want an adventure” and sent him on his way! This was a big mistake for two reasons firstly the hotel was a long walk from there and secondly I decided to hold court in the Kebab shop! So a man asked who we were and of course I told him who we were in glorious technicolour bullshit and of course made out as I always do that I’m famous rich and good looking! All of which are obviously a lie.
Luckily there was good natured ribbing from the small crowd that had congregated and Hippy and I left for the long walk to the hotel happy in the knowledge that we had charmed some locals in to buying our ludicrous stories!.
Eventually soaking wet we made it back to our sanctuary and proceeded to eat the wonderful kebabs - holy hot chilli sauce and all! Then I proceeded to throw peanut M&Ms at Alex as he asked for just the one and of course I took it too far! Eventually I succumbed to sleep only to wake to find my mouth had been filled with hair and hammers were attacking my head!.
Finally time to leave the hotel the next morning and all was packed and the food we had bought was in a Tesco’s bag! I got to the lift and hippy said the bag was leaking! I looked and as I did the whole jar of vinegar that was the container for pickles I bought for sandwiches emptied in the bag and then in the lift! As I left the lift I hurriedly took all the contents from the bag and threw the vinegar bag in the corner and put all the food in another stand by bag! Then as all would do I acted like nothing was happening, checked out of the hotel called a cab and prayed that the pickle police wouldn’t come for us.
Love, Respect and Dirty Rock n’ Roll.
Jim Distortion
Distorted Breed
